Why Women Fail.

I now what you are thinking. But stay with me a while as I explain. The truth is there are more women who believe themselves to be failures in some way shape or form than there are women who believe that as they are, they are already enough. And it is this belief, like flu, that is pandemic, yet no one talks about it openly. We talk about feminism, we talk about #metoo, we talk about the wrongs men in power or positions of authority have perpetrated upon women; but what we don’t talk about are the wounds we inherit from our mothers. And until we have this conversation and start on the road to healing this wound, the empowerment of women will remain just beyond the grasp of untold numbers.

So deeply attached are we to this hidden pain that we have been paying for it for years. Billions of pounds and dollars are made every year from the insecurity, competitiveness, smallness, shame and humiliation that women feel. Advertising agencies and news corporations hire psychologists to help them generate the advertising and marketing to acutely hone in on this aspect of humanness particular to women.

What is the Mother wound?
Years of patriarchy have left generation after generation of women living consciously and unconsciously with the trauma of the systemic suppression of women and the wound that is left, which presents as the unhealthy patterns and behaviours women adopt to cope with the pain.

How does the wound present?
Comparison: This is something we are all familiar with, to a greater or lesser degree. When we compare ourselves to others we are reinforcing a misguided belief that who we are, as we are, is not enough.
Shame: That persistent background chatter. Some call it the inner critic that reminds you that there is probably, almost, maybe, definitely, something wrong with you.
Minimisation: Denying one’s own importance or significance in order to be loved. Playing small.
Guilt: This is a natural part of the human experience. Women are far more inclined to feel guilty for wanting more from life.

What are the symptoms of the mother wound?
Diminishing your talents and abilities to make others feel comfortable
Accepting poor treatment from others
Feeling competitive with other women
Self sabotage
Depression (rage towards self)
Eating disorders
Addiction
Low Self Worth
Your “No” is not heard or acknowledged by others
People ignore you or speak over you
Being fixed, domineering.

Mothers pass on to their daughters their own feelings of low self worth around being a woman, the feeling of being less than, insecure about weight, height, looks, hair, intelligence and so the list goes on. The daughter grows up wanting her mother’s approval, she internalises the belief that to be like her mother is the best way to make her mother happy and so the daughter denies herself a life of her own fulfilment, reaching her full potential. To reach her own full potential – to exceed her mother – carries the risk that her mother would perceive that as a rejection of her as a mother. Daughters are very loyal to their mothers. Loyalty is related to our sense of belonging – our sense of belonging is related to our survival. And so women will carry the limiting beliefs of their mother rather than risk not belonging to the tribe into which she was born. Even if the daughter were to live a life seemingly separate from her mother, the inherited patterns remain. Physical separation does not bring an end to emotional bonds, to the invisible thread that binds us to those we love deeply.

The danger of living your full potential.
For many women their deepest fear is that to live their full potential is to risk awakening their own Mother’s rage. The sacrifices a mother makes, the parts of herself, her life she gave up as part of her own mother wound, prompt the daughters compassion towards her mother, and so she too learns to play small, forget the past, bury it. However, the law of the past is like the law of problems, neither will go away until we lovingly make a resolution with them. The past and its problems show up as the fears, doubts, obstacles and challenges you come across every day. The relationship you have with your mother impacts everything, most significantly it impacts the relationship you have with yourself. If you bury it you have no idea what gems about yourself, what truths and potential you have buried along with it, you lose something vital, essential to living a happy successful joyful life in both your professional and personal world. All our worlds are inextricably linked. There is no separation between what happens in your professional life and what happens in your personal life. Just because you can’t see it, it does not mean that each is not affecting the other.

What are the benefits of being an empowered woman?
To be an empowered woman requires looking at your relationship with your mother and in doing so you allow yourself to become a fully-fledged woman rather than a lost little girl in a woman’s body. To be an empowered woman requires you to discover and explore what your own beliefs, thoughts and values are, separate from your mothers. Once we can enter the process of separating ourselves out from our mothers, we can start to truly connect with walking the path of our personal freedom. The challenges, the obstacles, the fears, doubts and insecurities start to fade away. We become authentic and that authenticity is your true radiance: there is no beauty treatment, detox diet, fitness programme or cosmetic surgery in the world that can match how you will show up for yourself and others when you live from your fully empowered, authentic self.

Other benefits of empowerment include:
You are better able to read your emotions and allow them become a source of wisdom and strength, active rather than reactive
You have clearly defined healthy boundaries
You trust and know that you are capable and competent.
You have greater compassion for yourself and other people
You no longer feel the need to judge or compare yourself to others
Your relationships with others are balanced and healthy
You treat yourself better
Others treat you better
You trust that life will bring you what you need
You feel confident in your own skin, your own body
You are not afraid to excel in life and work
You know that you are enough

“Healing the mother wound is the gateway to your empowerment and freedom; love heals the wound it makes.” – Zita

 

Confidence is Power.

What inspires you to feel confident within yourself?

It is a simple question to ask yet one that many women struggle to answer. The difficulty women face in answering this question has a debilitating effect, the impact on society and culture, limiting. Feminism has done much to advance the cause of women’s equality, however, there is still more to do to develop women’s individual and collective sense of self worth and value. It is vital for their own mental health and wellbeing that they resolve these issues. It is essential for the wellbeing of the next generation of girls and boys, as they will inevitably inherit these patterns of low self worth from their mothers and in turn pass them onto their own children.

We live in a time where more women than ever now enter the workforce, leave the shelter of home and come into contact with men. Quite often they come into contact with men who hold positions of power and status over them. Unless women are equipped with a healthy sense of self worth and value they will struggle to manage such encounters as their boundaries are violated and ignored. Furthermore, every day women are bombarded with negative projections of their value and contribution to society beyond traditionally defined gender roles – the unspoken message – that no matter what you achieve you are still not enough, that somehow as a woman you are lacking and it is on the basis of this lack that women are invited, encouraged; to compare more, criticise more, judge more, purchase more. World leaders and thought leaders are seeking to create initiatives that engage women more fully, a bold effort to transform society, enhance economic growth and political stability as they acknowledge the powerful potential to be harnessed from empowered women. This is an inspiring endeavour, however, what will really induce meaningful change is for women to be equally engaged in their own personal growth and development.

For hundreds of years society, culture, religion, men and women have suppressed women as each successive generation passed down their own inherited; limiting beliefs, fears, doubts and insecurities. As such women are more socially equal than ever before but their self esteem and confidence has not harnessed the same degree of progress. Activism as a movement has propelled changing gender roles to the top of the agenda. Transformation from the old to the new requires a deeper commitment to make that change meaningful, self-affirming. A movement is only as strong as the parts that make it up. There is now a need for a collective partnership among all women to unite in supporting themselves and each other. Through my work I have seen and learnt that if women were as cohesive in their support of each other in the way that men were, the role of women in society would look very different to the fractured wounded story we are still attempting to heal today.

So how do we empower women?

According to the World Bank

Empowerment is the process of increasing the capacity of individuals or groups to make choices and to transform those choices into desired actions and outcomes.

Empowerment is a process through which as a woman you become an agent of change. You acquire the can do factor and move from I can’t to I can.

We are all living the repercussions of trans – generational gender suppression. The solution is to reframe the narrative we carry of what it means to us to be a woman, renew the vision and purpose of the value of the feminine. To achieve this it is vital to support the uplift of women in the world by finding and being our authentic selves first.

In my own journey I found that there were numerous initiatives to support female empowerment through leadership initiatives. Not all women are destined or desire to be leaders; nevertheless women can find agency and strength in an enhanced and deeply felt sense of their own worth. This is what it means to Stand Tall; to be in acknowledgment and acceptance of all that you are as you are. From this place we become stronger as individuals with an increased capacity for compassion and understanding of each other this is what creates an egalitarian society.

A useful check in as to your levels of confidence and self worth can be to read through the following list of statements.

You can readily and easily accept yourself as you are.

You can accept your body as it is.

You feel comfortable expressing your own ideas and opinions.

You know that you are wonderful.

You do not feel the need to compare yourself and your accomplishments to anyone else.

You are happy living an undependent (dependent and independent) life.

You feel content and fulfilled in all areas of your life.

You rarely criticise yourself or others.

You are able to set clear boundaries and know that your ‘no’ means no and will be valued and honoured by others.

You value masculine and feminine qualities equally.

You are healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.

You have confidence in your future.

You live your life in purpose.

If you are comfortable with all the statements above then you are most likely living your life as an empowered woman. Congratulations! If you find that any of the statements make you feel uncomfortable or challenged then you have a wonderful opportunity here to join the retreat, address where you are stuck and change it.

“We all have blind spots – those parts of ourselves for improvement and growth. As painful as it can be to admit that we do things we said we never would, say things we never wanted to say, become people we swore we would never become it is this acknowledgement that enables us to take the first step toward change. Be kind to yourself. Be honest with yourself. Take it one step at a time.” – Zita

Perception is Reality

It is the way that you perceive things and your daily thought patterns that have the most profound effect on your life. By breaking down your limiting beliefs you will achieve your best mental and emotional health.

How is this done?

Zita skilfully combines thoughtful conversation with creative activity, movement, journaling, supported self enquiry, meditation and simple coaching exercises to teach you how to dissolve the self created barriers that sabotage your happiness, success, relationships, confidence and health.

As you learn to release emotional stress, deepen your relationships and create a mindset of happiness and success, you will naturally find a way to peace, joy and happiness in all areas of your life. You will leave the retreat with a healthier more productive outlook on life and the tools you need to continuously create the life you want.

Who will benefit from Stand Tall?

The retreat has benefits for women from all walks of life, for in some way we are all challenged by the same or similar issues at some point in our lives. How we overcome them is being equipped with the tools to navigate the waters when they become choppy. The stronger your relationship with yourself and acceptance of self the better able you are to lean into life’s challenges without fear or anxiety or retreating into disconnected or depressive states.

Do you feel challenged by any of the following?

The weight of unpleasant emotions such as anger, grief, fear, frustration can be a tremendous burden for anyone. Lighten your load through conversations that illuminate that which remains hidden. Often it is that which rests in our blind spot that prevents us from letting go of the past and moving forward.

Worried about the future? Then map it. We all feel more confident when we have a clearly defined sense of where we are going or where we would like to go in life. When you create a living map of where you want to go you no longer need to second guess your decisions. It’s a pretty major confidence boost to gain that kind of clarity and wisdom.

Is peer judgement and a constant need for approval limiting your joy in life? Zita can support you to find your truth, break free of social expectations and follow the only voice that matters – your own.

Do you have a longing for deeper meaning in your relationships? Zita can teach you how to communicate with love and compassion and how to listen to yourself and others from a place of quiet confidence and security.

Have you found your true purpose in life? To Stand Tall is to take a deep dive to your core. There, you will see clearly who you are, why you are here and how to redesign your life to live your vision.

These are just some examples of what can prevent you from being fully present in your life. Zita has collected, designed and perfectly packaged the knowledge, wisdom and experiences you need to find solutions to your problems, enhance your communication skills, find your emotional freedom, embrace yourself fully and Stand Tall with an open heart.

If any of this appeals to you then Stand Tall is exactly the retreat that you are looking for.

 

Nourishing with Love

Our greatest need is to connect and belong. This primal need, this force that pushes and pulls us towards another or others is love. Disruptions in the flow of this love, either through trauma or loss, carried across generations creates disturbances that often lead to illness, emotional distress, addictions and broken relationships. The heart’s need to pick up the thread of connection is paramount and sets us on a path to healing. In our attempt to heal, and to find love, we often replay the past creating more pain and suffering. One of the foundations of Zita’s approach with Life Therapy is to see where the flow of love is blocked and to find what is necessary to open the heart, engage the mind to restore a healthy flow of love that allows all in our life to move in a way that supports our greatest good.

Our personal and professional development is inextricably linked, if either is floundering it will inevitably impact the other, no matter what we tell ourselves.

The purpose of Life Therapy is to support you to find a way to live a life in which you flourish in all areas of your life.